Cover photo for c.m.

"right now"

c.m.
right now I want to be in my living room,
watching tv with my mom while eating dinner,
waiting till an episode or a movie is finished,
because only then would we decide who should wash the dishes,
and even though it's an unorthodox way of bonding, 
it's ours,
and I miss it.

right now I want to be sitting at the round table on my porch,
watching as the cars pass by in the stillness of the night,
listening to crickets while drinking tea,
perhaps even writing in my journal,
and even though I know a million mosquitoes will attack me,
it's my place of solace,
and I miss it.

right now I want to be at the night market,
eating dumplings with my dad at 11pm,
being surrounded by people whom I don't know,
all because he got hungry after dinner,
and even though I'll have to change my clothes again before going to bed,
it's a once-a-month tradition,
and I miss it.

right now I want to be in my room,
surrounded by the horde of things that I just can't let go of,
being bathed in the yellow light from my lamp,
practicing the piano because Lord knows I need to,
admiring the way my books are arranged on the bookshelves,
and even though it sounds perfectly boring,
it's my sanctuary,
and I miss it.

but right now I'm not in any of those places,
because right now I'm sitting alone on my mattress in my dorm,
thinking about where else I could be,
right now.

but that was moments ago,
because right now,
I'm thinking this too shall pass,
just like all the right nows before,
so right now,
I'll stay where I am,
because later,
I'll be where I want to be.

(14/04/2020)